Wednesday, May 8, 2019

The Lust of the Starks – Part 2

Daenerys Targaryen Dress Back Grey Worm Tyrion Lannister King's Landing Season 8 804 2

Dis part 2.

But you knew that.

Where were we?

Ah, yes. A cool, easy-breeze day just off the shore of Dragonstone….

Targ ships chillin’, black sails mellow in the low breeze…

Grey Worm and Missandei being all cute and cuddly…

…looking lovingly at each other…

This won’t end badly at all.

Meanwhile, below decks, Tyrion and Varys begin what seems a dangerous conversation…

The dragons lazily float through the sky… doo dee doo….

Pretty!

WELP!

YES YOU DID THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

I’m not even gonna lie, I giggled.

So who’s the culprit? The li’l stinker?? SURPRISE, IT’S UNCLE EURON!

Only Euron, apparently.

I mean, probably something to do with the twenty or so scorpions planted on the decks of those twenty or so ships poised to knock that bich out of the sky?

Or in Dungeons & Dragons terms, a dragon’s breath weapon is a cone 90′ x 60′, while a mounted scorpion has a range of over 400′.

Give or take a few feet.

And for our daily sports take:

Who indeed.

That would be kinda cool.

The kraken-scorpions (skorpions?) are then trained on the ships….

TYRION had a close encounter with a mast that lovingly echoed his encounter with a warhammer in season 1.

Yes.

So the ships got rocked. Apparently shredded the entire fleet with machine-gun-esque harpoons?

That Qyburn has been a busy boy! (Qyburn: also a li’l stinker.)

In KINGS LANDING, celebrating this momentous and unprecedented victory, Cersei and Euron share some wine and some… uh… I guess their version of pillow talk?

“The lion shall rule the land the kraken shall rule the sea… and our child shall one day rule them all.”

Will it, Cersei? Will it?

And bruh. They got Missandei.

So on a suddenly secured DRAGONSTONE, our (non-captured) heroes lick their wounds and scheme and plot…

“This is a mistake.”

“I’m here to free the world from tyrants.”

“They should know who to blame when the sky falls down upon them.”

Or they could have listened to Sansa, waited to gather more troops… maybe…

Yes, or that.

Later, Tyrion and Varys continue what would be a rather treasonous conversation.

But first some truths have to be aired.

I’m gonna argue she could have kept it. Had she wanted to. This is a Baelish-level manipulation of information.

(See, we didn’t need Arya telling us Sansa is the smartest person she knows. They just needed to show us this!)

Yarp.

He’s fated to die “in this land”, however, so I think we’re gonna witness it. And hey, if this is Conleth Hill’s send-off, good on him.

Back at WINTERFELL, Jaime sees Brienne speaking quietly with Sansa…

She’ll need to have stolen a Littlefinger tardis, if that happens.

So later…

Ayyyy, Jaime and Brienne are still sharing a bed!

I personally wondered if they’d damaged it.

But so much for distracting fantasies, because Jaime is leaving…!

Brienne comes out to the Courtyard…

WOW, JAIME.

Sadie is all of us.

So did we all!

Seriously. Come on, Throners. He’s totally going back to kill Cersei.

I think they TRIED to smoke-screen his intent enough. But they didn’t. Y’all need to read the room better. Yes, he still loves her. She’s his twin. He may even briefly tell himself he can talk this situation out. But the end result will be the same:

Cersei is not getting away from Jaime alive.

Tragically.

But did it work? I GUESS WE’LL SEE.

Outside the gates of KINGS LANDING…

I guess they literally defeated winter!

(That’s gonna be hell on the ecosystem.)

Looks like there’s some kinda STANDOFF.

I think she was the only one on the skiff, ya dick!

Basically.

Qyburn and Tyrion meet at the 50 yard line for the ritual coin toss.

Unconditional surrenders are bandied about, blah blah blah.

Tyrion finally had enough. He marched right up to the gates (that dude loves rolling the dice with Cersei’s wrath) and said his peace.

Oh, and he conveniently let the world know that he knows Cersei is pregnant.

HER LAST WORDS: DRACARYS!

So the Mountain did his Mountain thing.

And I mean… hey, as far as Gregor murders go, that was pretty painless. At least it looked quick!

Grey Worm was um. Not happy.

NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I DON’T KNOW YOU BUT YOU’RE #BANNED

And Dany looks one step away from Burn Them All.

Amen. Emmy for Emilia!

(Though we may see even better shit for her Emmy reel next episode.)

Shots fired!

“Next week, on Game of Thrones…”

…OK THEY GAVE US NO CLUES NOTHING NADA HAHA LOL

So I guess we have to make up our own.

Oh, they did give us this. And like Luka, I HAVE QUESTIONS:

So shockingly, people had… thoughts!

Might be.

Ho-ho-holy shit.

YIKES.

I did giggle, ngl.

KYLE.

My dude Starky also had some woooords:

WHAT A GARBAGE DRAWING.

…..season 5 was much worse than season 6, get it straight.

That Time A Penis Account Clapped Back At Stephen King.

I’m kinda curious to see if they need one!

The Jaime -n- Brienne stans had a few thoughts…

IN EVERY. ROOM.

Sadie not happy.

Sue had a message:

Fair-Weather Progressives!

Yeah, seems an odd choice.

The Jon -n- Dany stans seemed decidedly conflicted.

And it was a somewhat bizarre night for the SanSans.

People are saying Sansa’s response to the Hound wasn’t very realistic. Or that people (or the show) aren’t dealing with trauma in a realistic way.

My take: I served ten years in the military and can tell you all from firsthand experience that different people deal with trauma in spectacularly different ways. Some hide from it; some laugh at it; some shrug it away and try not to think of it.

But here’s an opinion with a little something extra behind it:

Stay excellent, Lauren.

As always, the day after provided some fun all its own.

But most of the fun? Well that was had due to:

LATTEGATE!

(Legit tickled pink we get at least one more ‘gate before this whole thing ends!)

WELL ACTUALLY:

Y’ALL

…are the best.

BYEEEEE!

SEEYA NEXT! ONLY TWO MORE TO GO!

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