Well, the good news is that someone who shall not be named here on the front page (just in case you, for some reason, haven’t watched the episode, yet chose to visit a Game of Thrones website) got what they so rightfully deserved.
The bad news is that the Wall is coming down (but not our Wall, by God), Jaime and Cersei won’t be making incestuous love anytime soon, there is a dragon shooting Blue Curacao from his mouth, the Night King knows how to ride said dragon, and the f’ing season is already over. Happy Monday, kiddos.
A man returns once more to bring you the Unsullied, unbelievable epic season finale recap before the long dark night encapsulates us all. To prepare, I suggest we all take our clothes off, and learn how to do it Targaryen style…
Welcome back to the final finale of Game of Thrones finalists. A man is in a strange mood as he writes this as so many exciting things have taken place this past weekend. We did something crazy and ask you wonderful people to help out the Wall (Watchers on THE Wall) from having to inundate you with blue dragon-fire video ads.
We also announced our partnership with Mischief Management to bring you the second annual Con of Thrones taking place in the land of Cowboys in May of 2018. If you can come, I feel confident promising you a memorable experience and that you will meet some of the finest people that ever graced this beautiful planet.
A warning about this recap… I’m not going to sift through every single line of dialogue that transpired in “The Dragon and the Wolf.” Otherwise, you would be reading until the next season started. But, we will hit the high notes and discuss as we always do below. Don’t just lurk today… join in the convo or at least say “hello.” The Unsullied comments are the friendliest area in the Kingdom. It is known.
The Worm and the Horde
We haven’t seen Grey of House Worm for a while and were curious as to his status. But luckily for us (and Missandei), the Worm is alive and well with the rest of the Unsullied and a shitload of Dothraki.
Jaime and Bronn assess from the walls of KL and discuss fighting for family (although it is difficult to have a family with no cock) and that they are about to be the downtrodden.
Jon, Tyrion and company approach the city (noticeably without Dany). Jon (the northern country boy) questions why anyone would want to live crammed into a city. Meanwhile, the Hound goes down to kick the box to make sure the dead guy is still, well, dead.
The Meeting and the Minds
No time is wasted in getting right to the issue at hand. On the way, we get a handful of fantastic reunions. Tyrion and Jorah discuss the reason the dragonpit was built in the first place. Then, Bronn and Tyrion. Then Pod and Tyrion. Then…
The Hound and the Big Woman
I really enjoyed the way they played the reunion out between Clegane and Brienne (although it was quite brief). There was no typical, fuckless Hound calling Brienne a “big, dumb bitch” or otherwise. It was more a show of mutual respect for what they were trying to do at the time… protect Arya. The scene also acknowledges that the Hound was pleased to hear that Arya was still alive.
Tyrion and Bronn then have dialogue with Tyrion questioning Bronn’s allegiances and reminding him of an old offer he made if he wanted to join them. Bronn reminds Tyrion that he is the one that got them all there in the first place and was doing just fine.
My guess was that Dany would come swooping in on a dragon. Ozzette thought it was down in the hole. Bronn and Pod didn’t stick around to find out.
Cersei enters, but before we get anywhere…CleganeBowl? No. But it’s coming.
Dany swoops in (Oz wins the bet with Ozzette) and the fun begins.
Jon and Tyrion begin by attempting to explain to Cersei the serious nature of what is coming. When Cersei questions Dany’s true intentions, the Hound brings up the box and kicks it over.
I was concerned that the reveal of the dead soldier would be cheesy with no realistic influence on Cersei. But the way it was handled seemed a perfect way to get her attention (and to get Qyburn’s mind pondering what to do with a dead, moving hand).
In the meantime, Euron says “fuck this.”
Cersei seems to recognize the danger and agrees to a truce on the condition that the King in the North will not choose sides. Of course, Jon already has and like Jim Carrey, can’t tell a lie. As a result, Cersei leaves without an agreement. Jaime is begged by Brienne to reason with the Queen. And Jon gets chided for being honest.
Tyrion insists that he is the only one that can fix the situation and opts to go meet with his sister. I’ll admit, I seriously wondered if he would survive this.
Lena Headey as Cersei Lannister. Photo: HBO
The Lion and the Lion
This was a fantastic scene between Tyrion and Cersei discussing the deeply rooted issues between themselves and their dead family members. Once again, Dinklage and Headey are simply superb. This scene deserves an analysis of its own.
Luckily, the Mountain doesn’t split Tyrion in half and he offers up some wine. But will Cersei drink? She then admits to not thinking about her worst impulses or making the world a better place, but rather her family. And Tyrion realizes she is pregnant. On the surface, this looked like Cersei had turned a corner on her priorities due to her unborn child. But this episode was almost an hour and a half and way too long for her to be rational (or truthful).
Tyrion approaches with Cersei and company in tow and Cersei agrees to march her forces North to help in the Great War.
The Wolf and the Dirtball
Sansa discusses Jon bending the knee to Dany with Littlefinger and LF mentions that an alliance between the two makes sense. LF then reminds Sansa that Jon can be unnamed as King. Sansa reveals that Arya is a Faceless Man. LF: “What’s the worst thing she (Arya) could want?” Sansa: “To kill me.”
The stage was set for a Winterfell climax to all of this sister bickering. But let’s come back to this…
The Wolf and the Dragon
Look… if you are going to set up sex between the two prettiest people on the show, one of them can’t be riding a dragon. I guess they both could be riding a dragon. And then riding each other. But those pointy things on the dragon could, you know, be uncomfortable in certain areas if you were naked. A Sleep Number® ship bed sounds much better.
Theon seems to be reborn again as he speaks to Jon and then takes out an Ironborn who has no respect for him when he suggests going to rescue Yara. Great scene when Theon kneels down for the salt water. Theon vs. Euron is coming.
The Oz and the Lysa
Oh dear Kate, we’ve been waiting on this day for so long, ever since the tragedy that was the “moon door push” heard round the world. They called your name many times. More than they have in years. Finally, someone outplayed the player. Sansa learned the Game. The Finger got fingered.
Thank you, Sansa. My dear Lysa’s death has been avenged!
My only regret is that Varys and Littlefinger will never meet again face to face. They kept LF around long enough to have a big character death at the end of S7. And it was worth it.
The Lion and the Mad Queen
Meanwhile, Cersei confronts Jaime and reveals her true colors once again when she tells him that she was not serious about sending their army and banners to help Jon and Dany. Jaime argues that he made a promise and reasons that this is a fight between the living and the dead. And although Cersei seemed to have a change of heart earlier in the episode stemming from her pregnancy, she will not help Tyrion or the north and is convinced that there will be little left of her opponents once they fight the army of the dead.
Cersei brings up the Iron Bank and the Golden Company, hiring them to fight alongside her army when the time comes. She reveals that Euron didn’t leave a chance to marry the Queen but rather he sailed to Essos to retrieve the GC.
“You conspired.” “No, you conspired.” “No one walks away from me.” And after Cersei threatens Jaime with the Mountain, he is gonnnneeee.
Fittingly, as Jaime leaves, it begins to snow in King’s Landing.
The Wanna-be Maester and the Three-Eyed Raven
Sam and the fam make it to Winterfell and Sam goes up to meet with Bran. Bran reveals that Jon is not the son of Ned, but rather the bastard of Rhaegar and Lyanna. But Sam tells Bran of the annulment between Rhaegar and Elia and Bran goes to witness the marriage of Jon’s parents. And then Jon’s real name is revealed: Aegon.
Aegon Jon and Dany do the dirty Targ dance, and the rest is history.
The Night King that Rides
With time about to run out, we are taken to Bran under his favorite tree which can mean only one thing… White Walker radar time!
Beric and Tormund overlook Eastwatch and after seven seasons, the dead are finally knocking on the Wall door. But when you have a dragon that breathes Blue Curacao, you don’t have to knock. You just blow that shit down with your dragon breath.
I can only assume that Tormund and Beric were on the side of the Wall that was still standing. That would be two shitty ambiguous deaths, and the North is going to need Tormund and Brienne’s monster babies to beat these odds. Along with Beric’s flaming lightsaber.
Episode 707 Personal Awards
Favorite Action Sequence: The dead soldier in front of Cersei was pretty intense. But the Wall coming down was spectacular, even if the scene did seem brief.
Favorite (or significant) Quotes:
“Men without cocks. You wouldn’t find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What’s left to fight for?” –Bronn
“What’s in there?” “Fuck off.” –The Hound’s favorite phrase, to a Lannister soldier
“I was only trying to protect her.” “You and me both.” The Hound and Brienne
“Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it.” “And some Clegane cunt to help them see it through.” The Hound and Tyrion
“You know who’s coming for you. You’ve always known.” –The Hound to the Mountain
“Can they swim?” –Euron
“I’m grateful for your loyalty, but my dragon died so that we could be here.” –Dany to Jon
“The more immediate problem is that we’re fucked.” -Tyrion
“A dragon is not a slave.” –Dany
“Has it occurred to you that she might not be a reliable source of information?” – Jon to Dany on being able to have a baby. Translation: “Let’s do it and find out.”
“His name is Aegon Targaryen.” – Lyanna
“You stand accused of murder. You stand accused of treason. How do you answer these charges, Lord Baelish?” – Sansa
“I’m a slow learner, it’s true…But I learn.” – Sansa
Favorite Sequence: Euron getting the hell out of dodge was pretty funny, even if he wasn’t really going home. But learning Jon’s real name was awesome. And both of the scenes between Tyrion/Cersei and Jaime/Cersei were superbly done.
The “Ow, That Shit Hurts Award” does NOT go to: Theon’s crotch
Jackass Award: Farewell, Littlefinger. You made us think. You made us cringe. You filled our lives with philosophical and motivational speeches. You were also one hell of a brothel owner. But we never trusted you. And you finally answered for my dear Lysa’s untimely demise.
Overall Thoughts: I’ve got so many. And (un)luckily, it looks as though we will have plenty of time to dissect it between now and Season 8.
When Jaime says “I don’t believe you” to Cersei, did he not believe that she would have him killed? Or does he not believe she is actually pregnant? Or does he not believe anything that comes out of her mouth?
Cersei played the Game this season almost to perfection. The fact that she is still alive is a testament alone. All of the odds were stacked, yet she still sits on the Throne. And, I doubt she is pregnant.
I have many questions about where Jon and Dany go from here, relationship- and power-wise. We can analyze this and multiple other things in the year to come. But for now, considering that we know Jon’s true name, will we start referring to him as Aegon?
We’ve got nothing but time now. The long, dark night is here.
What say you, good readers? Speak loudly below. Let your thoughts be known.
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A man will return soon for his off-season shenanigans. Visit often! The Wall needs you. Invite a friend to join us. And may there always be peace in your realm. –Oz
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**SPOILER NOTE: The Management of this fine site would like to remind you that spoilers (book or leak) are not allowed in Unsullied posts. This includes spoilers covered by code or otherwise. Personally, I appreciate feedback from Sullied and Unsullied alike, so long as they do not include any type of hinting or conversation related to the written verse. However, spoiler coded comments do tend to lead to further Sullied conversation and for that reason, we ask that you please refrain from posting any SPOILERY content whatsoever in Unsullied posts. Thank you for the coop. -Oz
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