Kevin Also Blogs: Game of Thrones Memory Lane 202: The Night Lands

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Game of Thrones Memory Lane 202: The Night Lands

Welcome, Watchers, to another trip down Memory Lane! This time your humble Geoffery will be guiding you through the second episode of the second season of Game of Thrones: “The Night Lands.”

Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss and directed by Alan Taylor, it premiered on April 8^th, 2012. At the time, I was holding off on watching season two for a few months until I had finished writing my thesis; apparently the undergraduate Geoffery of 2012 was far more resilient than the postgraduate Geoffery of 2016 who has no such plans with season six.

“The Night Lands,” late as a I came to it, was an important episode for me as it properly introduced a still-Unsullied me to my favourite house: House Greyjoy, in case you couldn’t tell from my avatar. But let’s start at the beginning…

The episode opens with Arya continuing her masquerade as ‘Arry.’ She doesn’t take it well when three be-caged ruffians ask her to fetch them a drink, even when one of them is lovely, lovely Jaqen H’ghar, making his debut in this episode.

Trouble arrives in the form of two Gold Cloaks who are after Gendry. Luckily, Yoren is on hand to deliver one of my favourite Thrones lines.

I could shave a spider’s arse if I wanted to.

Meanwhile in King’s Landing, Tyrion does a great whistle cover of “The Rains of Castamere.” Shae, Varys and he engage in the most gloriously innuendo-laden conversation before the Spider delivers another one of my favourite quotes.

The storms come and go, the big fish eat the little fish and I keep on paddling.

It’s taken almost word for word from the book, and it’s a great summation of how sneaky ‘neutrals’ like Varys are still playing the game four seasons on. Still, it’s a shame noone in King’s Landing except Tyrion takes the threat of the wights seriously. They might regret that when winter comes.

Speaking of wights, we head beyond the Wall for a very serious discussion about farts. Samwell expresses his regrets about his lack of experience with er…wrestling. We get to meet Gilly properly, played by the excellent Hannah Murray. Sadly Sam cannot steal her, as she’s a person not a goat. I adore the relationship between Sam and Gilly, and the way the show portrays the two of them, one of the reasons this episode is one of my favourites. That and the fart discussion of course.

Over on the Iron Islands, Theon prepares for his long awaited return by making the most of the time he has left with…Little Theon. The Captain’s daughter is worried her father will punish her and call her a whore until Theon points out he hasn’t paid her. And to be fair, you can’t fault his logic.

Speaking of whores, Ros isn’t having a good day. I know Ros was divisive within the fandom, but I think the scene between her and Littlefinger is a nice reminder of the baby massacre (if there’s such a thing as a nice reminder of a baby massacre) from the week before and a slimy character moment for Littlefinger.

And now for someone who can keep all the whores in King’s Landing entertained, enter the one true king of Westeros, Podrick Payne! In an excellent verbal sparring scene between Tyrion and Dominic Carter‘s note-perfect Janos Slynt we’re also introduced to Daniel Portman‘s adorable squire. Long may he awkwardly aid other characters on their quests. Plus Bronn pops up for a minute and I can never get enough of Bronn.

Back on the Iron Islands, Theon makes the most brilliant cocky (no pun intended) mistake by seducing his sister. If only he’d been born a Targaryen. The thing I really love so much about this episode is how well Theon’s return is handled. There’s such a great shift in tone from his arrogant presumption of welcome to the lacklustre response he receives from his family. Theon’s downward spiral more or less begins here, as he tries to live up to the salty standards of his House. I also love Gemma Whelan as Yara, altered a little from the books, yes, but still a brilliant character.

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We catch up with the Dragonstone gang and are introduced to the ever fabulous Salladhor Saan. Fact: until I re-watched this episode while writing this article I had totally forgotten that Davos’ son was cast in the show. Probably too busy being creeped out by Melisandre to remember. In a carefully worded conversation she promises Stannis a son; as Bryan Cogman later explained in an interview with Westeros.org the showrunners weren’t certain if Shireen was going to be included in the show at that point. Shame Mels didn’t mention it would be a creepy, shadow-baby, brother-stabbing son. That’s why you should never listen to bewitching Asshai priestesses, even when they show you a good time on the war room table.

The episode concludes with Jon Snow (may he rest in peace) catching Craster at his sinister baby-dropping-off-in-the-woods game. White Walker babies would of course come to the fore in later seasons. It also inspired this Beautiful Death: