Valar morghulis: All men (and women) must die. But when?
Welcome to our weekly column where we rank who is most likely to die in the coming episode of Game of Thrones. Last week, “Oathbreaker” was relatively mild as far as deaths of major characters go. Will “Book of the Stranger” up the body count?
First, let’s take a look at the pics we got right last week, because no one wants to look at the ones we got wrong, right?
Ser Alliser Thorne: “95%. Last week, Ser Alliser’s murder/mutiny was put down in spectacular fashion by Tormund Giantsbane, Wun Wun, and the rest of the wildlings, and Ser Alliser was hauled off in chains. With Jon Snow’s revival, we don’t see Ser Alliser surviving much longer.”
So this we nailed right on the head, although it was a fairly obvious choice. Ser Alliser was executed along with the rest of the high officers, and Olly, for murdering Jon. He went down like a pro, though, with his line “now I rest,” being particularly strong. We will only kind of miss you, Thorne.
Olly: “89%. We can see Olly buying it for the same reason Ser Alliser does, but the only reason we don’t rank him above Kevan Lannister is that Jon Snow wouldn’t kill a kid. Would he?”
Apparently the answer is yes, Jon would kill a kid. After giving one last scowl any teenager would be proud of, Olly hung dead and lifeless along with the rest of the mutineers. Olly’s arc seemed to garner him more than his fair share of haters, but I sympathized with the kid a little. Olly watched his parents be murdered by the wildlings, only to have to hand them bread and blankets a few months later.
I always felt his anger was not so much directed at the wildlings themselves, but at Jon Snow for betraying his trust. Olly believed he’d found a place to live and serve, and then it was given to the wildlings. That’s must be tough for a teenager to process. Either way, Olly is resting now as well.
Honorable Mention: Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning. Book fans were upset that Dayne did not wield his famous sword Dawn by itself, instead opting to whirl and weave two swords like a crazy blade tornado, but Dayne’s brief appearance on the show was certainly memorable. Dayne bobbed and weaved like a steel-clad Muhammad Ali, carving up young Ned Stark’s men before being stabbed in the back by Howland Reed. Too bad you couldn’t hang around a little longer, Dayne.
And now, our pics for Sunday’s episode:
****Percentages refer to how likely the character it to die, not survive.****
1-10. Jory-Cassel-picking-fight-with-Jaime-Lannister surprised
You had, like, three scenes in Season 1. Why did you pick a fight with the Kingslayer? These are the characters we think most likely to die this week. We hope they all have their affairs in order.
1. Osha: 90% Being delivered into the hands of the biggest psychopath in Westeros is going to put you at the top of this list more often than not. Rickon Stark has value, but the fierce wildling seems expendable. Sorry, Osha.
2. Kevan Lannister: 85%. Okay sure, we had Ser Kevan in this same spot last week, but the eldest Lannister isn’t likely to move out of the top ten any time soon, especially now that he’s Hand of the King—those guys never last long.
3. Maester Pycelle: 85%. Flatulence aside, Maester Pycelle really serves no purpose at this point in the series. His continued protests about Qyburn’s presence in King’s Landing do not bode well for the decrepit Maester.
4. Jorah Mormont: 80%. When Ser Jorah does finally buy the farm, either due to his Greyscale infection or attempting to rescue Daenerys from her Dothraki captors, it will be fairly sad to see a character we were introduced to in the very first episode go. But such is life in the world of Game of Thrones.
5. Rickon Stark: 75%. Rickon did not perish as we had predicted last week, but he was delivered to Ramsay Bolton. So we were half right. For Rickon’s sake, however, we hope to be wrong once more. A female Stark has value to Ramsay as a bride, but a male Stark heir represents a challenge to his rule.
6. Khal Moro: 60%. Moro hasn’t strayed into villain territory yet, but we are all just holding our breathe until Drogon wakes up from his nap. And when he does, no one will be safe.
7. Loras Tyrell: 60%. Based off of the trailers for “Book of the Stranger” it looks like we will get our first glimpse of Ser Loras this week. And that glimpse did not look good. Loras was seen clutching Margaery Tyrell as he lay on the floor. Doesn’t exactly paint the picture of health, does it? And remember: one way or another, Finn Jones is not long for Westeros.
8. Theon Greyjoy: 55%. Theon failed to reach the Iron Islands this week, or appear at all, but Balon’s last surviving son will finally return home this week, according to the trailer. Although he might wish he hadn’t. Crazy uncle Euron is back in town and throwing Greyjoys off bridges for fun. If Euron has no compunction with throwing his own brother off a bridge, why would he care about killing Theon?
9. Yara Greyjoy: 55%: Euron will likely want no contenders for the Salt Throne. Watch out, Yara.
10. Melisandre: 50%. Last week, we posited that with Jon Snow breathing once more, Melisandre has served her narrative purpose. Melisandre appears to be reinvigorated after bringing Lord Snow back, but how long until someone who wants to take a shot a Jon realizes they’ll need to take out the Red Woman as well? Ramsay has already expressed an interest in taking out the now former Lord Commander…
11-20. Wun-Wun-smashing-that-dude-into-the-wall surprised
When you shoot a giant with a crossbow, what do you think is going to happen? We wouldn’t be surprised if any of these people kick it soon.
11. Lancel Lannister: 50%. Lancel is once more holding down this spot, though he has yet to appear this season. We aren’t certain when he’ll return, but when he does, it won’t be for long. Lancel, meet Ser FrankenGregor.
12. Mace Tyrell: 40%. The famously dim-witted Mace Tyrell jumps up a few spots, because we can’t rule out him tripping and falling off a cliff. We all know Olenna Tyrell runs the family, anyway.
13. Grey Worm: 30%. Even if hanging out in Meereen wasn’t dangerous on its own, Grey Worm’s schtick is getting a little tiresome. How can you not laugh at Tyrion’s jokes, even when they’re bad?
14. Daario Naharis: 30%. Khaleesi’s boy toy has to run out of luck at some point, right? But now that Jon is doing his half-samurai hair style, perhaps they keep Daario around for having the best hair on Game of Thrones? Joking aside, the two-man rescue mission Daario and Jorah are mounting seems doomed for failure.
15. Olenna Tyrell: 30%. While killing a little old lady might seem over the top even by Thrones standards, maybe they don’t have to. The stress of running House Tyrell and keeping up with the High Sparrow is surely taking its toll on the old dame.
16. The High Sparrow: 20%. Was there anything more impressive in last week’s episode than the ease with which the High Sparrow pacified Tommen? Still, it’s only a matter of time until one of the series’ more hot-headed characters puts a foot of steel through that tattered brown robe.
17. Margery Tyrell: 25%. Margaery strikes me as capable of maneuverable enough to at least survive her imprisonment by the High Sparrow. However, when she gets out, Cersei will still be lurking. If Cersei was your mother-in-law, you might want to stay in prison.
18. Bronn: 25%. Has anyone seen Bronn? Do we even know if he made it back from Dorne? The longer we don’t see him, the more we worry that our favorite merc with a mouth (sorry Deadpool) never made it off that boat.
19. The Waif: 20%. We still believe that the Waif will eventually run afoul of Arya Stark, but it looks likely that this entire plotline will take a week off. When she does come back, it won’t be for long.
20. Missandei: 20%. If her boyfriend/not boyfriend goes down, Missandei will likely not survive long either. Hanging around Dany seems to be hazardous to one’s health.
21-30. Tywin-Lannister-sitting-on-the-toilet surprised.
It was surprising, but the way he treated his family had to come back and bite sooner or later. If these characters died this week, we’d raise an eyebrow.
21. Euron Greyjoy: 15%. The first and last storm has a lot of things to accomplish in the Iron Islands, and neither his niece nor his nephew seem capable of stopping him.
22. Dolorous Edd: 15%. Edd jumps a few spots in the rankings because he appears likely to be the next Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. Ask any life insurance salesman: that’s an uninsurable occupation.
23. Meera Reed: 15%. If Meera wants to survive much longer, she is gonna have to buck up. Pouting outside in the snow, with the wights and the White Walkers lurking about, hardly seems safe.
24. Jaqen H’ghar: 10%. Even if Jaqen is not a man’s real name, the master assassin is likely as safe as Arya since the Young Girls School for the Faceless Men looks likely to sit out this episode.
25. Hodor: Hodor%. Hodor.
26. Jon Snow: 10%. We don’t think it’s likely, but if Jon starts getting into it with Ramsay, his death and resurrection could become a weekly thing. But for now, the former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch appears safe.
27. Tommen Baratheon: 10%. For a moment there, it looked as if the High Sparrow might be luring poor sweet Tommen into a trap. But everyone seems to be able to push Tommen in whatever direction they please. That can’t bode well for the last Lannister bastard.
28. Qyburn: 10%. Qyburn drops a few spots after he gained an army of children to watch his back, so long as he doesn’t run out of sugared plums.
29. Petyr Baelish: 10%. The preview for next week promises the return of Littlefinger, and as many one-and-done returns as we’ve had this season so far, Baelish is too big of a player to get axed like that. Littlefinger’s grand plan has yet to be revealed.
30. Varys: 9%. If Baelish is safe, surely the other master manipulator of Game of Thrones is, as well. Meereen looks to be at war soon, but Varys always manages to come out on top right?
31-40. Ned-Stark-getting-his-head-chopped-off surprised.
Everyone thought Ned Stark was the main character, right? It would be a major shock if anyone in this group died at this point in the story.
31. Jaime Lannister: 5%. The Lannister twins look to be fairly united this season, and FrankenGregor is about as good as it gets as far as bodyguards go. But seriously, no more meetings alone with the High Sparrow.
32. Cersei Lannister: 5%. Cersei seems to be attempting to gain power again, but is meeting with significant resistance from the Small Council. Expect the council to grow even smaller before Cersei kicks the bucket.
33. Tormund Gianstbane: 5%. Based on the trailers for the season, Tormund will probably take part in a big battle down the line, so unless Melisandre is running around bringing everyone back, he’s safe for now. Anyway, if he dies, who will make dick jokes?
34. Wun Wun: 5%. Wun Wun is another wildling likely to hang around for a bit, because who doesn’t want a giant hanging around?
35. Davos Seaworth: 5%. Who here wouldn’t vote for Ser Davos if he was running for president? Davos is turning in one epic pep talk after another, and is turning into a more capable leader than many of the highborn lords he’s palled around with over the years. You have my vote, Ser Davos.
36. Bran Stark: 5%. Our gateway to the past isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. How else are we gonna find out what’s in that tower?
37. Brienne of Tarth: 5%. Brienne still has some unforeseen role to play. And even if someone wanted to, good luck taking down the Maid of Tarth.
38. Podrick Payne: 5%. Podrick doesn’t look likely to leave Brienne’s service anytime soon, and as such, seems fairly safe.
39. Sansa Stark: 4%. Sansa sat out this past week’s episode, but if she shows up at the Wall on Sunday, the wildlings and remaining Night’s Watchmen probably won’t hurt Jon Snow’s half-sister. And they’d have to get through Brienne if they wanted to try.
40. Samwell Tarly: 2%. Samwell Tarly is off to become a wizard Maester. Just a quick family reunion, and then it’s on to the Citadel. Sam seems safe for now, unless you can die of sea sickness.
41-50. Red-Wedding surprised
We would stake our life that these characters making it through this week.
41. Gilly (And little Sam): 2%. Last week, we finally saw the return of Gilly and little Sam, headed to Oldtown via Horn Hill on the worst cruise ship ever. Gilly seems safe for now, unless Sam’s dad is a bigger jack-wagon than we’ve heard.
42. Ramsay Bolton: 1%. If this was a list of people we’d like to see die, Ramsay would be at the top. Unfortunately, it’s who we think will die, and Ramsay looks likely to be sticking around for a while, especially if people keep getting him gifts.
43. Tyrion Lannister: 1%. Despite Tyrion’s awful attempt at making conversation with Grey Worm and Missandei, we don’t see the writers killing off the greatest Lannister killer of all time.
44. Danerys Targaryen: 1%. Okay, sure, Khaleesi got a bit accosted last week, but does anyone really think she’ll be in the ground anytime soon? We doubt her “captivity” lasts very long.
45. Arya Stark: 1%. We’re pretty sure Arya will sit this episode out after showing up in the past three. Therefore, she gets bumped down to the bottom.
Via http://winteriscoming.net/2016/05/14/valar-morghulis-whos-most-likely-to-die-in-book-of-the-stranger/
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