It’s Thanksgiving, and the Small Council has a very important question on its mind: if you could invite one Game of Thrones character, living or dead, to a Thanksgiving feast, who would it be and why? And what, if anything, should they bring?
These are the questions that keep up us at night, folks.
DAN: There are a lot of characters who would probably be entertaining at a Thanksgiving celebration, but one springs to mind as the ideal guest: Lady Olenna Tyrell.
For starters, you know she would bring something delicious. She can’t have it be said that House Tyrell wasn’t the highlight of the party, so she’d enter bearing something rich and rare, like chicken stuffed with lobster stuffed with dates in a flavorful Béchamel sauce. Opulence is the name of the game with Olenna, and I would happily take advantage.
Also, she basically makes conversation for a living, and in her old age has gained a reputation for her sharp tongue and razor wit. With Olenna around, there’s no way the dinner conversation would lag. Wanna talk politics? Get Lady Olenna’s take on the election returns. Religion? I’m sure she has some choice thoughts on the Faith. Sex? Oh, the stories she could tell. Basically, Lady Olenna is the only sure-fire way to make sure your Thanksgiving feast is both highly entertaining and completely free of bloodshed.
Olenna is my pick, but I’ll leave you with a warning: whatever you do, don’t invite Jon Snow to your event. He can be a real downer.
KATIE: Oh, Jon, how we love you. But as Dan points out, it’s best for the rest of us if you go this holiday season solo.
I’d invite Sansa for a Thanksgiving girls’ night in. My number one girl could use a nice home-cooked meal (or Chinese takeout, considering I can’t cook) to soothe her troubles. She could bring the lemon cakes. Lemon’s not exactly my dessert flavor of choice, but I’d give it another go if Sansa insisted. I owe her too much to deny such a request. We could drink ourselves through a wine cellar while trading war stories and verbally eviscerating our exes. After all, I’m sure we’re both thankful for where we are now, compared to what we’ve been through to get here.
I must admit, I get rather sentimental during the holidays. I am very thankful for what Sansa’s journey has taught me, so she’s my obvious choice for a Thanksgiving guest. She’s more than earned her place at my table, although there are a number of other people who could join her: Tyrion, her estranged but oddly compatible former husband (he could bring the wine); Varys, who always had a soft spot for her (see Season 3—he could probably bring more wine); Brienne, who would follow Sansa to the ends of the earth (and who I could stare at as lovingly as Tormund or as lowkey lovingly as Jaime); Podrick, who would tag along with Brienne (and who I could probably propose to at some point during the evening); and any of the beloved Stark siblings (Arya would certainly have some good stories, and Bran could give me some solid advice or the winning lotto numbers). All in all, light-of-my-life Sansa is an all-around holiday win.
I would also extend an invite to any of Daenerys’ dragons. If I couldn’t pick up the Chinese food, I could use a dragon to fry the turkey.
SARAH: Being Irish, I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but I know how to cook a succulent turkey and the idea of pumpkin pie intrigues me, so let’s do this
This topic was a no brainer for me. I would invite Cersei Lannister to my Thanksgiving feast in a heartbeat. I’d be delighted to see her at my doorstep with an offering of wild boar and a cask of the Arbor’s finest red.
What I have learned from some of my American friends is that family drama seems to be a Thanksgiving staple in many homes, as with any major holiday anywhere in the world. Well, Cersei is the queen of family drama. I would revel in the dirty stories she could tell about the people she knows. Not only that, but she has an undeniable talent for cutting insults. How I would rejoice as she bitterly laid into everyone else at the table, myself included, with that acidic tongue of hers. How thankful I would be as I watched her drink my family members under the table. Good times would be had.
Look, family gatherings can be dull at the best of times, and Cersei is a character who has always entertained me. She may be calculating, cruel, prone to violence and completely unhinged, but she’s never boring. Plus, after enough wine she might be in a good enough mood to give me some style pointers, which I—unfashionable creature that I am—could probably use. Long live the queen.
ANI: I have a couple of ideas here. My first instinct is to invite Dany and her dragons. I love the idea of having the dragons as a grilling alternate. But the truth is that I live in a townhouse and parking is limited at the best of times. Our backyard is the size of a postage stamp. Dany’s dragons back in Season 2 would make sense for me (think of the fondue party options!), but not in their present state.
No, since having hipster cooking pets is not a practical choice for my lifestyle, we’ll have to invite Tyrion. He would be a great guest to bring to the holiday feast. With a lust for drinking, food and all things bawdy, he’d be one to sit down in front of the telly and make fun of whatever marathon we’ve chosen before chowing down and then descending into a philosophical discussion about how best to game our way out of the present political climates in the UK and US, and how to solve problems like Teresa May and Donald Trump. (Or at least how to keep Le Pen out of power.) Also, the youngsters would have a ball with him. And the cat would snuggle down on his lap for the duration. A win-win-win for all involved.
COREY: First off, tip of the hat to fellow Small Council member Razor for coming up with this idea. This is a much harder choice than I thought it would be, even with some of the more obvious choices off the board. Tyrion? Of course. Cersei? I mean, if you give her enough wine, she can be delightful. For me though, it was a choice between Tywin Lannister, Ser Davos Seaworth, and the Hound.
Tywin was my first thought, because damn if he wouldn’t provide some bitter remarks on the turkey if it was too dry. I also assume Tywin would bring the finest side dish on the planet, having imported the best chef from some far flung corner of the world to cook it. And since Cersei and Tyrion would be present, thanks to my fellow council members, we would have all the family drama we could possibly handle. It would make Thanksgiving a bit Lannister-centric, though.
Ser Davos would be a wonderful guest, though perhaps a bit boring. Polite and humble, Ser Davos would surely compliment every dish put in front of him, no matter its quality. Also, I assume Ser Davos would bring some type of seafood for dinner, crab or lobster, which is always a great change of pace at any Thanksgiving day feast. But unless I am in need of some wonderfully down to earth advice, or someone to motivate me after burning the first batch of dinner rolls, Ser Davos might be a bit of a party downer.
Which brings us to my number one draft choice: the Hound. He’s such an obvious answer—I have no clue as to why he hasn’t been chosen yet. Give the Hound a couple jugs of wine and we’d really have a party. Like Cersei and Tyrion, the Hound is a man who appreciates his red wine, something that flows freely at our Thanksgiving meals. The Hound also seems like the kind of guy who would drink non stop, which would be a natural fit for my all-Irish family. Even drunk, the Hound would prove a tough opponent should any Red Wedding-type shenanigans break out, always a possibility in my family.
And just think about the kind of fun we’d have with the Hound after a couple jugs of wine. Whether we have him reenact his speech to Polliver about “talkers,” or get his thoughts on the recent presidential election, the possibilities are endless. “How’s that green bean casserole, Clegane?” “It’s crap.” That’s the kind of awesomely blunt conversation we could expect all night.
And what would the Hound bring to dinner? Do I even really need to say it? Chickens. All the “talkers” at a typical Thanksgiving feast would leave the Hound rather hungry, and he’s going to need a few chickens. And even thought he might eat every single chicken we have in the house, the Hound would be my guest.
RAZOR: Oh come on, you’re all boring! I want to have a feast the bards will sing of for decades—nay, an eternity— to come. I want a Red Thanksgiving. That’s right—my need for Stark revenge has been far from satiated, and I need to see Lannister and Frey blood flowing like wine before my Thanksgiving festivities are through. So, here’s how it all would go down.
The List:
- All alive and remaining Freys and Lannisters that can make it to Riverrun for Thanksgiving
- Arya Stark (because of course)
- Nymeria and her wolves, kept in rooms off the side of the main dining hall.
- No proper Thanksgiving feast is complete without inviting the new King in the North and his trusted bannermen, so invites would be sent to Jon and Sansa, and even Bran (via weirwood.net)
- I would have a wonderfully talented band of minstrels playing festive and jaunty tunes during the feast, but they would be armed to the teeth
Now for the plan. Once my guests start arriving, I would ensure they would be kept away from each other. No need for Freys to see Starks or Starks to see Lannisters. Once the feast began, I, sitting at the high table, would call for the packed hall full of Freys and Lannisters to be quiet so I could toast their good health. Everyone would naturally notice the empty seats to my right and left. This is when I would bend my knee and ask the King in the North to join the feast.
Of course, the Freys would lose their collective minds and the Lannisters would start to panic. My talented minstrels would begin to play The Rains of Castamere. The Freys and Lannisters, recognizing the song instantly, would try and run for the doors. By this time King Jon, followed by his trusty direwolf Ghost, would join me on the dias, where we could watch the carnage unfold together.
Just as The Rains of Castamere hits its crescendo, the minstrels would pick up a bunch of crossbows and just go to town on the hall. I would nod to Arya, who’s been patiently sitting at a table next to a side door, wearing the face of some random Frey. She would stand, rip off her Frey face, open the door, and Nymeria and her wolves would rush inside and slaughter every man and woman named Frey or Lannister there. Jon, Arya, Sansa, Bran, Tormund, Lyanna Stark and I would all share a glass of eggnog while we watch Nymeria’s wolves enjoy the real Thanksgiving feast.
Later that evening, we would trim the Christmas tree with the entrails of the Freys, and Ghost and Nymeria would stand on their hind legs and place a bloodied and dented Lannister helmet atop, as a star. Ah, there is so much to be thankful for.
RICHARD: If I was having a serious party where great conversation was the goal, then I’d invite Tyrion, Tywin, Jorah, Ned, Catelyn, Ser Davos, Melisandre, Daenerys, Maergery and Sansa. If I wanted to throw a bash where drunken mayhem and a $132,000 hotel bill was the goal, I’d invite the Hound, Bronn, Tormund, Osha, Robert Baratheon, Ellaria Sand, Viserys, Oberyn Martell and Khal Drogo.
However, since we are just being silly here, I’d like to suggest a Game of Thrones/Addams Family Thanksgiving mash-up with Cersei as Morticia, Littlefinger as Gomez, Podrick as Pugsley, Arya as Wednesday, Qyburn as Uncle Fester, Lady Olenna as Grandmama, reanimated Ser Gregor as Lurch and Jaime Lannister’s missing hand as Thing.
Poison wine flows freely, leaving Cersei blotto and fighting off Jaime’s groping hand while looking for the rest of Jaime to nooky with. Qyburn brings the little birds in as guests and the kids kill the turkey with their bloody knives. Qyburn resurrects the turkey as a party trick, and Ser Gregor finishes it off by removing its head, spine and guts in one great tug of his armored hand. Lady Olenna has her servants do the cooking, and in the meantime Arya entertains by swapping faces.
After dinner, Cersei ends up in bed with Pod, and afterwards she can’t even remember Jaime’s name. Littlefinger plots to overthrow Cersei and take control of the family, but Lady Olenna learns of his treachery and has Arya bake his little mockingbirds into pies and then lop his head off with a carving knife. Qyburn gets hold of Littlefinger’s decapitated head and reanimates it on the dinner table, providing much laughter and entertainment during dessert. Jaime’s hand is somehow eaten. Ser Gregor remains the prime suspect.
Wow, that spun out of control quickly.
Anyway, you can pick up to three options from the list below.
Via http://winteriscoming.net/2016/11/24/small-council-game-of-thrones-thanksgiving-feast/
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